IN LOVING MEMORY: BREANNA JOY WEAVER - May 18, 2010 - 5lbs. 4oz.
Its been 2 weeks today that we knew that our granddaughter ( Breanna Joy ) was our stillborn baby angel. God has taken us thro a incredible 2 weeks of " leaning hard on Him" and He has held solid and sure, like never before. This morning I woke up to these words playing over and over in my mind -
Yes, Lord, Yes, to Your will and to Your ways.
Yes, Lord, Yes, I will trust You and obey,
When Your spirit speaks to me - with my whole heart I`ll agree,
And my answer will be - YES! LORD, YES!
This story is for all the mommys and daddys that have experienced the sorrow of giving their babies and children back to Jesus till we all meet them again.
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Its easy to say this when things are going great but what is my response when joy turns to sorrow? Of my own strength I can`t turn my heart to Jesus and while tears are streaming down my face and say, " YES! LORD, YES, " because I always want joy and happiness - not pain and sorrow. Only Jesus makes that possible to move from self to His will.
I realize now that days prior to Breannas birth God was in preparation of my heart and life to be in agreement to His will days later, even to the minute. That Sunday morning my heart was really heavy so I stayed home from church spending time with the Lord even throughout the afternoon. I went before the Lord allowing Him to move thro my life and show me any generational sins / curses in my life. Generational sins are weaknesses and tendencies toward sins or health issues that are passed on to our children. I allowed the Lord to show me these areas, confessing, cleansing, closing the doors so they aren`t passed on. What freedom I experienced in the Lord, preparing my heart for what was to come. Note: An example of a generational sin or curse or weaknesses in my life. I grew up with a mom that was plagued constantly with mental health issues and depression ( my moms mother also had the same problem) and then I did. This was one of the areas that the Lord gave me freedom from that morning. I don`t have to accept it as normal in my life and pass it down thro the generations, but can cut off the root of it with the Lords help. This can branch out in many areas in our lives.
Monday evening I went to the WCN church being aware that our daughter in law, Dorcas, was in labor but not totally certain. During that day as God impressed Dorcas and Laverne on my mind I would pray. On the way home from the WCN church I was praying aloud and I said: " Lord, I am laying on the altar- what should I do next?" I didn`t know that just hours later I would know. I left church @ 9:10 and arrived home around 9:30, ate a snack and went to bed. Before going to bed I was debating whether to call Dorcas` mom to see if she was in labor, but the I sensed the Lord just saying, " Just pray with what you know." How valuable this was. As I was laying in bed praying the Lord showed me 2 visions. The first one was: I sensed that the enemy was attacking Laverne and Dorcas with worry, fear and pain. The Lord said to pray angels at the 4 corners of the house, so I did. But in the middle of the room was one large angel with its wings spread out across Laverne and Dorcas. The second vision was: I seen a fountain of praise just flowing and flowing. The Lord said. " You need to pray an anointed ring of oil around the fountain. So, I did. Not realizing what it meant but drawing strength from it.
Little did I realize the strength I would need - real soon!
At approx. 2:00 am I revieved a phone call from Laverne at the hospital saying that they didn`t have a heartbeat with the baby. Instantly I remembered the first vision and I shared it with him immediately. I fell on my knees beside the bed and cried," Oh! God, help us." I came downstairs trying to calm the girls who were sobbing with grief. Going back upstairs and praying with Merle and comforting him. Calling a friend for intercessory prayer and praying and claiming Gods purpose for what we were facing. Breannas birth was greatly anticipated by all of us but especially the girls and different times Dorcas would let them feel her movements and the heartbeat. Alissa, the big little sister would sing, Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, to baby Breanna in the womb in the evenings and she just couldn`t wait for her arrival.
I still didn`t know the reason of the second vision. As days unfolded I realized the ANGEL WINGS were to be designed over her grave as a testimony and protection, that I seen over Laverne & Dorcas and the FOUNTAIN OF PRAISE is Breannas death / grave. The anointed ring was to seal off the fountain that it to forever remain as we speak of her birth that we honor God and give Him Glory. As we speak of her and Gods Goodness - it flows out again and again. How comforted I felt that Pastor Nathan & Angela ,and friends Toby & Martha, assisted in planning of the service and we just played out the Visions of Angel Wings and the Fountain Of Praise and anointing. This has helped me tremendously thro these days since.
The anointed ring of oil around Breannas grave.
The first time I spent time with Breanna at the hospital Dorcas was asleep. Throughout the day the hospital allowed Breanna to be in the room all day so we could spend time with her. I stood by her crib my arm craddling around her body, peeking under her little white hat at her hair, tears just dripping on her blanket. I will always treasure this precious moment alone. Awhile later Dorcas woke up and then she asked me to bring the baby to her from the crib so she could hold her. That was special. Mommy and I looking at her and talking and I thanked Dorcas for bringing this beautiful baby, Breanna, into the world.
At the graveside services - Gods presence was such a comfort. We had a very informal viewing in the church. While the viewing was taking place, Alissa, Breannas big sister ran out of the church and picked a dandelion and she was buried with it in her tiny hand.
White carnations were given to family members and a white teddy bear for Alissa to place on the grave. After a poem read by Toby S. and song " How Beauitful Heaven Must be, " Laverne ( Breannas father) gave a little talk on the story in the Bible about Hannah and Samuel. He said, " God gave us Breanna and we are now giving her back to God, " and then the two grandmas went and took the angel skirt attached to the angel wings and covered it over her grave and then we laid our flowers on the grave. I still had a large handful of white carnations so I walked thro the crowd handing out the flowers. As I walked I came upon different mothers sobbing, remembering thro the years they had either miscarried or had stillborn babies and they were given a flower to place on the grave in memory of their angel babies as well. After most of the crowd left Louetta and I went around the grave with anointed oil forever sealing it for the Glory of God.
I am commited to continue that Fountain of Praise in Honor to God even in sorrow. I have my times that I need to go before the Lord ( usually at nite) where Him and I can have this long talk about whats happening in my life and the lives of our family.
Thats God - Just Doing What He Does!!! - He makes our hearts be willing to say in pain and sorrow YES! LORD, YES!!!! He can be trusted, FOREVER!
I love you, Lord more then ever because You are holding our angel baby, BREANNA JOY. I will not question if only, what if, or but, JUST - YES LORD YES!!!
LET THE FOUNTAIN OF PRAISE FLOW - In Memory of : Breanna Joy and for Gods Honor and Glory!!!!
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